Motherhood: What I learned about myself in the first year (#2)

Dear Readers, This series of my blog will focus on "lessons learned" as we close in on year one. With nostalgia and introspection often comes learning and growth.

Over these next few blogs, I'll share my most important learning moments. Truthful and personal, as I have always promised my readers. My intention is they will help other women, even in a small way. Maybe they're just starting this journey like I was last year. Maybe they've been through this a few times but still have shaky and vulnerable moments. Even though this journey is incredibly personal, I've found that new mothers lean on each other. They often share similar experiences and just want to know they are not alone with their feelings. Remember, the village?

If I had an honest conversation with my pregnant self, what would I say about the first year of motherhood? #2: Your friends will change. They just will and let me clarify because this is unnerving. There are existing friendships that will luckily remain. They like you for who you are and are authentic people. Treasure them. Others may fade away or disappear completely due to different schedules or changing interests. Then there are those people that you've been close with for many years, perhaps you were even childhood friends. You will still talk on occasion and slip into comfortable conversation like time stood still. Embrace them. But for the day-to-day interactions, this will look very different than when you were childless. All of a sudden, your calendar is dictated by a tiny human's sleep, eating and socialization schedule. You will have to experience this for yourself to really understand the level of selflessness involved. This was an adjustment for me and still is some days. Sometimes I find myself wanting to "quickly run out" to wherever, regardless of the time and be a bit spontaneous. Life doesn't work like that anymore. As I write this after a year, I can laugh at my level of impatience and see the humor and my naiveté. This will take some adjustment but know that you'll meet new friends at the places you and your little one frequents. These are new settings like playgroups, libraries, downtown parks, church, science museums, new parent groups, etc... You will often find yourself sitting on a carpeted floor, playing with toys or singing songs along with your babies. You'll all share stories, struggles or celebrate the latest milestones that other young parents understand. They listen to you and provide solidarity and support, which means everything as a vulnerable new parent. You'll appreciate this especially as you will struggle with the identity piece. Finally, I would tell you to embrace these friendships that flourish as you're sitting around a circle on the library floor. Eventually they will become your closest confidants who become part of your group texts and are invited to birthday parties and weekend gatherings. You will experience some of the most joyous moments of new parenthood together. So, yes, your friends will change.