Aspects of motherhood don't come naturally

Dear Readers,

I am six months into motherhood, and I will admit, it didn't all come naturally. This is true for me and maybe it is for you too.

Before I had Evangeline, I hardly even held babies or babysat young children. I was turned off by the constant sickness picked up from daycares and tried to keep my distance. I went into pregnancy fairly blind but had an optimistic and hopeful attitude for what was in store. I knew that Nick and I would do our best to raise a healthy and happy baby. We (cautiously) welcomed recommendations and advice from our doctors and loved ones and stayed blissfully ignorant to the rest of the noise. We were careful not to over research and become paralyzed with fear before our babe was even here.

Yesterday I got together with my original new mom crew at a local bakery cafe. We attended prenatal classes together, so these women have been by my side since the very beginning. They are my originals. We laughed and good conversation; it's like time has stood still even though our babies are growing. I observe each one as they held, rocked, soothed, fed, cuddled and kissed their baby. We are all first-time mothers. However, they all looked so comfortable and natural doing it, like they were born to be a mother and had done this before.

When I say that aspects of motherhood didn't come naturally, there was a lot I had to research and quite literally "Google." I had to learn the best way to safely hold and comfort Evangeline. I had never soothed an overtired or overstimulated baby. Since she has never been an overly snuggly baby, I had to learn how to physically connect with her. I had to learn how feed her and determine if nursing was an option; I found out early on that it wasn't. I had to learn the mechanics of newborn sleep, which could be an entirely separate blog.

We now feel the depths of love and true meaning of selflessness. When I walk in her nursery and she is waking up from a nap, she looks up at me and a smile forms across her face. I immediately feel my entire body get warm, weak and feel vulnerable. Nick is coming into fatherhood too and our bond is the strongest it's ever been. "How is motherhood?" people ask. "Lifechanging" is my most honest answer. Judging by how soundly I am sleeping these days, I must be doing something right and being fully engaged as a mother during the day. Every minute, every day. We have a thriving six-month old who is hitting all of her wellness milestones and is generally content and a "very chill" baby. All the specific tactics of parenthood may not have come naturally but we're figuring it out.

I don't think I was necessarily born to be a mother, but I am blessed to have a low-maintenance child like Evangeline (especially being a stay-at-home mom). She makes my job easy and enjoyable. I am finding my stride.