Finding my rhythm after six months

Dear Readers, Six months. I've been a mother for six months. Evangeline turns six months old today; half a rotation around the sun. Friends ask if the time went quickly... 'sort of' is my best answer. I say that because the very beginning of her life did not. Those first few weeks of standard biological newborn demands were tough. And exhausting. And the broken sleep felt like it nearly killed us. During today's weekly music class, we played the drums with our little ones. Some stood on them (with help from their caregiver) and Evangeline leaned against one, feeling the rhythm as I played along with the song. Katie, our teacher, told us how babies often mimic our movements and develop their own inner rhythms. Once again, the theme of music class forced its way into my own life reflection... Six months in as a parent as specifically as a SAHM (stay-at-home mom), am I feeling the rhythm of my new life? When I lean on my own drum every day, does it feel comfortable and normal to me?

Today officially marks six months since I have been home with Evangeline. Well, to be precise, six months ago I was confined to a hospital bed recovering from having my torso cut open and a baby taken out of my belly.

Ironically, I never pictured myself as a "baby" person. I've shared in other blogs that I didn't dream of motherhood and simply didn't think I wanted it. So, leaving the corporate working world and taking on the role of a full time SAHM was completely out of my realm of thinking. It's like cruising down the interstate in a nice car at 75 mph on a warm, sunny day. All of a sudden, after 17 years, you get caught in a construction zone and are slowed to 20 mph. Same nice car, same warm, sunny day. Totally different experience. It takes time to adjust. People say "good for you" when they find out I am staying at home with Evangeline. Kind of makes me chuckle in a sense like I'm taking on an insurmountable challenge. Yes, it is good for me as being a stay-at-home parent is the most selfless job on earth. I didn't understand how hard this lifestyle was until I lived it. My hats off to you men and women who are in my position. I know many people choose to go back to work after having a child for reasons other than financial and that's perfectly okay too. After six months of motherhood, I am finally starting to feel my rhythm. This no longer feels like a transitional phase, but the new norm for our family. I have moments when I want to just run out quickly for a walk or trip to my favorite store and not have to think about anything besides grabbing my purse. I forgot what that's like.

But it's a privilege to be at home with her while she's this little. I've never met a single person that's ever regretted spending more time with their kids. You blink and they're off to school and those early years at home are mostly gone. It's the hardest job I've ever had and best thing I have ever done.