At what cost?

Dear Readers,

"I don't think I could do it. I don't think I could be a stay-at-home mom." Then it is quickly followed by a statement reassuring their love for their child, but they need a break from the stress of new parenthood so they can be a "better" mom.

I get it and I don't judge. I hear this from many new mom friends, especially when we first meet and make introductions. And, realistically, I don't think I'm cut out for this job sometimes, either. But I have adapted. And now I don't think I would choose another path.

I am starting to think that being a SAHM (stay-at-home mom) is my purpose during this season of my life. It's a privilege and an option that most new parents today don't have. Nothing is forever. I've been at home, caregiving for Evangeline for over half a year - woah. For someone who hard a time ever picturing themselves as a mother, never mind a SAHM, that is a huge accomplishment.

As we know, it takes a village, but I am the primary person who has kept her safe, healthy, socialized and hitting all of her physical and emotional milestones. Today we celebrated Evangeline's special milestones of seven months, which include sitting up unassisted, enjoying non-formula food like peanut butter and banana and getting a perfect hip X-ray (part of a routine checkup from her former hip dysplasia).

But at what cost is this lifestyle to my own mental well-being as Melanie, wife to Nick and mother to Evangeline? I think about this question often, especially before I fall asleep. I want to share a few tips that have helped me adapt to life at home with an infant and heal my own heart. Please mold this to meet your own interests and needs: 1. If you are like me and feel uplifted by being with other people, specifically people in a similar situation, join some new mom/parent groups in your community. People that get to know you as a person, as well as a parent. This is one area where social media is quite helpful. Even sitting around a table having adult conversations, while your kiddos sit in their strollers, or play in the playground is enjoyable and may give you a small break. I get it that alone time is healthy, too. Every so often I need a day like that as well, where a long walk is needed. Being actively involved in social groups has been a game changer for me, us.

2. Find a creative outlet that gives you joy, a sense of accomplishment and helps productively pass the time (if you have it!) For me it's cross-stitching, developing this blog, reading non-fiction with the traditional classic fiction novel thrown in. To Kill A Mockingbird is the book of the day. Every so often I also dabble on the piano.

3. Do some kind of meaningful professional work. This could be volunteering for a favorite cause (there are creative ways to help from home on a limited budget), working part-time as a direct-hire employee or contractor who has shorter assignments for different employers. As an "older" first-time mom who was well-established in her professional career before being a SAHM, this is a big one for me. It feels unnatural to disregard years of professional experience, habits and routine, credentials and advanced education to "just" care for an infant all day. Now hold on a second before you misinterpret my statement. I say JUST because it's filling a different cup, validating in a different way. This has been the hardest and most selfless job I have ever held.

My career was always my "baby" before my human one came along. The transition inspired my introductory blog about changing identity, called Losing myself in Motherhood. Since becoming a mother, I have felt a pull toward more mission-driven, local non-profit work. If you feel a need to fill your other cup, consider #3. Promise me one thing, will you? The next time you talk to a new parent with a baby in tow, take a moment to ask how they are doing. The baby talk with inevitably follow. This small gesture may make their day brighter.